Jimmy Olsen’s Blues

…you had a chance to do something magical Wednesday, and you were emphatically disappointing.

I have the discipline of a meth addict when it comes to New Comic Day, and I can almost always talk myself/force myself into buying at least 2 extra comics on top of my regular purchases. Yesterday, however, was an align-the-planets, hit-all-the-green-lights, served-breakfast-in-bed-by-wife-dressed-as-Emma-Frost kind of day.

Not one comic I normally buy came out.

I was surprisingly upbeat walking into my LCS, because this was a chance for me to feel like the “new reader” that all comic producers are horny for. Their advanced marketing theories, the hours of work spent designing comics that make use of the typical rack-space in stores, all of it would be brought to bear on my weak-willed consumer psyche.

I bought this:



Big Four, if you couldn’t come up with something to sell me that was better than a comic I knew would be crappy, then get back to the drawing board (no pun intended). Otherwise, there are more weeks like this in your future. And if that happens, good luck explaining to whoever you answer to that you couldn’t sell a comic to a comics addict.

When I first entered the comics game in the early 70’s, I had one pusher available to me: the local 7-11. Fortunately for my parents, 7-11’s only stocked the standard cover price DC’s each month. Unfortunately for my post-adolescent checkbook, those comics were loaded with in-house ads for 100 PAGE SUPER SPECTACULAR editions of my favorite titles. It wasn’t until I was old enough to hit a con or two or drive to few and far between LCS’ that I was finally able to hold some of these beauties in my hands, usually at around ten times cover price.

There was some (ill-informed) disappointment that the majority of the 100 pages were used for reprinted Golden Age and early Silver Age stuff, but I’m way over that now (especially since I realize now that a lot of it actually kicks major ass).

The covers still sell these books today, masterpieces mostly by the great Nick Cardy. Take a look:

10. Shazam #12: Mmmmmary Mmmmmarvel. I think I just realized why I loathe Countdown.








9. World’s Finest #226: Superman (to Batman): “Metamorpho, the Doorknob of the DCU. Everybody gets a turn.”









8. JLA #116: For my money, Justice League America had the most consistently good 100-page Giant covers, so it was hard to narrow it down to the few in this list. These days, kids see that cover and assume Santa just can’t hold his hooch. Back then? Mind-blowing and frightful. (I don’t have the issue handy–can someone explain why Dr. Mid-Nite’s on the cover? The story’s not titled Crisis at the North Pole.)







7. Shazam #16 Back in the day, I always wondered why the Seven Deadly Sins looked so goofy, but now it makes perfect sense. Would you really expect Greed or Sloth to look like something out of Hellraiser?






6. JLA #116: Why aren’t covers like this still the norm? I can still look at it without laughing, honest. (Well, except for Matter Master’s utterly unimpressive wizard garb.)



5. Detective Comics #440: Don’t know how much influence DC’s large line of spooky comics (House of Mystery, House of Secrets, Ghosts, etc.) had on many of these Giants, but take a close look and you’ll see creepiness everywhere.




4. World’s Finest #225: See what I mean? “Bow Before Satan’s Children”? Brrr… not seeing that on Super Friends Saturday morning.






3. Brave and the Bold #116:Here’s a Spectre who would simply not abide by the Goddamn Batman.








2. Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #202: Much like modern comics, this actual scene doesn’t take place in the book. But unlike the comics of today, there’s at least Devil Fish in this story.

…and numero uno:






1. Detective Comics #439: This cover didn’t grab me as immediately as some others in this list did the first time I saw it, but this image sticks with me to this day, so much so that it was easily the first comic I considered for the 10. It also contains a Batman story easily in the top 5 all-time. (I know this list is about covers, but you gotta be able to break ties somehow.)

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Eternal thanks to Mike’s Amazing World Of DC Comics DC covers indexes. I implore anyone who hasn’t checked his galleries out to do so immediately. Also bring a square meal or two before viewing, because you’ll lose several hours before you’ve refreshed your memory of DC titles like Hercules Unbound.

Ding!
The Vision wastes no time, does he? Before his fellow Avengers even get into their heroic cover poses, Vision’s already knocked one of Skrully’s speakers out of his helmet.

Joe Quesada, feel free to bust out a cover just like this one during next year’s Who Do You Trust? event.

And who do we trust? Bahlactus, shapeshifter-free since the Big Bang.

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^{From Avengers #96, by Roy Thomas, Neal Adams, Tom Palmer, and Alan Weiss (Marvel Comics, 1972)}

Two links you’ve probably seen before if you’re at all part of the comics blogosphere, but these seemed like bits and pieces you should know about anyway:

• Occasional Superheroine gets tells us exactly what it is the current DC editorial crew is doing wrong with their “Everything Ties Into Countdown” mentality. It’s funny — a year ago, I thought DC was doing a great job with most of their line post-Infinite Crisis; now, it feels like most of their line’s a big ol’ mess. I’d imagine that most of those perceptions are due to the uber-series providing the throughline through the universe: 52 was generally accepted as being done well, so DC as a whole had a bit more of a positive gleam to it, but since Countdown seems to be about as well loved as O.J. Simpson, DC’s books in toto seem mired in poo. I’ll be really curious to see what effect Final Crisis has on the perceptions of DC’s books as much as on the DCU itself.

Also, OS gave me something else I might have chew on more later: during the Paul Levitz era, DC did a good job of staying off of Time Warner corporate’s radar. Dan Didio doesn’t seem to think that’s a priority, and his willingness to piss people off might lead him to pissing off the wrong people: his corporate overlords. Maybe nothing will ever happen on that front, but it’s certainly not out of the realm of possibility.

• Project Rooftop has kicked off a Redesign Bart Allen meme to memorialize the late Mike Wieringo. I think that’s a fantastic idea, and I encourage any of you with artistic leanings who feel up to the challenge to go throw your speediest hat into Dean and Chris’s ring.

Death in comic books means nothing. We all know that. Beyond the fact that “death” rarely sticks (even the “characters what never ever came back!” are starting to come back now), c’mon… let’s not forget that these are fictional characters, most of whom aren’t known by anyone who doesn’t read comics (meaning: most everyone). But while the deaths of these particular characters might indeed be meaningless in an existential sense, they still had an effect on me and, I’d wager, many others. Presenting Ten Comic Book Deaths Which Touched Me In Some Small But Signficant Way:

Phoenix (Uncanny X-Men #137, 1980). (The first time only, please.) I was pretty new to the X-verse when Jean sacrificed herself to save the universe: I had only started reading UXM with issue 135, the tail end of the Dark Phoenix Saga, and the tragic, confused, supremely-powerful Jean Grey was already one of my favorite characters. UXM #136’s cliffhanger, with most of the X-Men disappearing into space, gripped me in such a way I was sure I would die before #137 came out. Little did I realize, however, that Uncanny X-Men #137 was a double-sized issue, meaning that the local 7-11 where I bought my comics wouldn’t carry it; I didn’t catch on to that fact until #138 came out. And when I opened that issue and saw all those somber X-faces standing over Jean’s tombstone… well, nine-year-old me took that hit pretty hard, I’ve gotta tell you.

Captain America (Captain America v3 #25, 2007). By no means do I believe Cap’s death is going to last long-term, but I have to give Ed Brubaker and Steve Epting credit for pulling off such a high-profile event with such skill. The stories being told in Cap’s series after his death have been just as riveting, if not moreso, than those being told when he was alive.

Guardian (Alpha Flight v1 #12, 1983). Ah, the glorious spoiler-free advance-solicitation-free pre-Internet days. The cover of Alpha Flight #12 told us straight up that one of the Alphans would be biting it in that issue, and knowing that death was coming for one of the team had me almost in terror while reading this issue. As I got closer and closer to the end and it seemed more and more obvious that John Byrne had pegged Jim Hudson to die, I couldn’t believe it: “No way can he kill Guardian!” thought I. “He’s the team leader! The star of the book!” But kill him Byrne did, and in a way that I’m sure must have impressed on the mind of young Joss Whedon, too: Jim knows he’s only got seconds left to keep his cybernetic suit from self-destructing — and then his wife, Heather, comes in and distracts his attention, causing the suit to explode and consume Jim in front of her. Meaning that Heather had to watch her husband die and know that she effectively killed him. Powerful stuff, both for Heather Hudson… and for me.

Blue Devil/Amazing Man/Crimson Fox (Starman #38, 1998). OK, sure, Blue Devil didn’t stay dead for long, and yeah, I might be the only person on the planet who actually misses Amazing Man… but still, the brtual efficiency with which Jack Knight’s nemesis The Mist dispatched this newly-formed Justice League Europe — just to prove she could — was almost sickening to behold. [1]

Robin (Jason Todd) (Batman #428, 1988). I didn’t particularly care that the Joker murdered Jason Todd — I’d never really much cared for the second Robin, apparently much like the many, many people who called DC’s special 900-number voting for him to die. But I was pretty shocked that DC actually went through with his death, not only because the character of Robin is so iconic (the mainstream press surely wouldn’t have recognized that the Robin who died wasn’t the one from the old Batman TV show, the only touchstone they seem to have for the Batman characters) but because they were murdering a kid. In a way it would’ve been less shocking had the Joker offed Batman… though they would’ve found a way to bring Bats back within months, instead of the nearly twenty years it took to bring back Jason Todd.

Alex DeWitt (Green Lantern v3 #54, 1994). When Ron Marz took over the book and introduced Kyle Rayner as the new Green Lantern, he also introduced Alex, Kyle’s good-hearted, funny, beautiful, very likable girlfriend… and then three issues later had her killed by uber-baddie Major Force and had her corpse shoved into a refrigerator. Alex’s death was shocking, yes, giving Kyle the “Uncle Ben” motivation to become a great hero — but there was a bigger positive to come from her death: the birth several years later of the Women In Refrigerators site, which both pointed out how poorly female characters in comics are treated… and gave the comics industry the vastly talented Gail Simone.

The Flash II (Crisis on Infinite Earths #8, 1985). Barry Allen was my first-ever favorite superhero (and only partially because of that wonderful last name), and his death in the first Crisis really upset me. I read this issue standing in a drugstore in Brookhaven, Mississippi — I had no idea his death was coming, and I spent the bike ride back to my dad’s apartment all kinds of bummed out at the loss of the Flash. (Note to DC: please please don’t ever bring Barry back.)

Maxwell Lord (Wonder Woman v2 #219, 2005). This one’s actually less for the murdered than the murderer — Wonder Woman demonstrated exactly how dedicated to The Greater Good she really is by giving the retconned-into-pure-evil Lord a nice view of his own posterior, a move which truly was significant from both a character standpoint and a plot standpoint. Part of DC head honcho Dan Didio’s campaign to eliminate most of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League, as was the event which precipitated it:

Blue Beetle II (Countdown to Infinite Crisis, 2004). It’s not often that a well-liked, if second-string, superhero gets his brains blown out by a former teammate who’s been retconned into being pure evil. I’d say that losing Ted Kord was a waste of a perfectly good character… if it weren’t for the fact that his replacement’s an interesting, entertaining character in his own right, probably the best new character to come out of Infinite Crisis.

Cypher (New Mutants #60, 1987). Doug Ramsey held an “everyman” place within the New Mutants since his powers (the ability to instantly understand all languages, human and computer) were entirely intellectual. Unfortunately for Doug, “entirely intellectual” superpowers don’t do a whole lot to stop bullets. But Doug’s sacrifice (he died to save teammate/girlfriend Wolfsbane) isn’t the reason for his inclusion on this list: the incredibly creepy “Warlock takes possession of Doug’s corpse and tries to reanimate it” storyline which followed is. I mean, c’mon… what the hell, Claremont?!

[1] During research for this post, I read that James Robinson hadn’t intended to off three heroes in one issue, but editor Dan Raspler encouraged him to get rid of some unused characters. If the characters aren’t being used, couldn’t you just leave them in limbo for when someone inevitably thinks of something interesting to do with them later on? Hell, shouldn’t Amazing Man be in the Justice Society at this point?

Here’s the first in a series, actually approved by Internet Jesus Himself. Just look:

In a message dated 17/08/2007 10:28:52 GMT Standard Time, TIM writes: Getting to the point: I adore Fell, and would love to feature a Fell panel every so often ^sure

And so we go. Thanks, Mr. Ellis.

Coming to CBS this fall…

CSI: SNOWTOWN

Series premiere. And also the series finale.

^{From Fell #6, by Warren Ellis and Ben Templesmith (Image Comics 2006)}

No?

Guess that was the only word the Sphinx had left in his mouth–Big G smacked out the rest.

Galactus for Bahlactus.

^{Fantastic Four #213, by Marv Wolfman, John Byrne and Joe Sinnott (Marvel Comics 1979)}

It’s starting to look like some Colossal Boy-sized happenings are in store for the Legion of Super-Heroes in the year to come, just in time for their fiftieth birthday. There’s the whole multiple-Legions thing running through the contemporary DCU, and the current team looks like it’s going to be getting more buzz thrown its way: rumor mill suggests Jim Shooter’s going to be returning as writer of the Legion of Super-Heroes sometime very soon, presumably at the same time newly-DC-exclusive Francis Manapul takes over as penciller.

(Am I the only glad that Supergirl is nowhere to be seen in that picture? I’m assuming this means the title’s going back to just Legion of Super-Heroes rather than Seriously Overexposed And I Mean Than In More Ways Than One Supergirl and…).

The image by Manapul excites me, if for no other reason than I like a great many of the costume tweaks and redesigns we can see in the image. Manapul has said he’s looking back more to Dave Cockrum’s design sense for inspiration, and I can certainly endorse that idea, what with Cockrum being one of the best costume designers the industry’s ever known. I’ve always liked Barry Kitson’s artwork, but most of his designs for the LSH for this most recent reboot left me a bit cold. Manapul’s tweaks are refreshing: I especially love the Saturn Girl design, bringing back the look of her classic bikini with a twist; Phantom Girl, even if we can’t see if she’s got the bell bottoms of her original Cockrum costume; Brainiac 5, whose look and pose in that pic perfectly represent the attitude of the current version of the character.)

As for Shooter… well, honestly, I’m not sure how I feel there. I respect that he had such an important and influential run on the book thirty years ago, but I want to take a wait-and-see attitude toward how his work will come across these days. The presentation of comics has changed so much, the modes of storytelling — I’m just unsure if his writing will feel contemporary or dated. I wasn’t particularly a fan of his Valiant/Acclaim work, but I’m not ready to say I think he can’t do it. Whether he can or not, we’ll see, but anything which raises the Legion’s profile at least has my interest. Here’s hoping.

My big question with bringing Shooter on the book — and all of this is supposing that the rumors are correct, and based on the investigation detailed at The Legion Omnicom I’m assuming they probably are — is why? Yes, he wrote the book long, long ago, but he hasn’t done anything notable in comics in ten years or more. His name recognition value will only matter to older readers (like, erm, me) — younger readers might recognize the name, but nothing more. Again, I’m not saying that Shooter can’t turn in some good stories nowadays — there’s no recent evidence one way or the other — but I’m honestly wondering if he was brought in because of his name or because he had solid ideas for stories and a direction in which to take the team. I hope that it’s at least the latter as much as the former; you only get a fifitieth birthday once, and it’d be nice not to have the Legion’s wasted.

Brad Meltzer seems like a pleasant enough fella in interviews. I enjoyed a lot of things he put into Identity Crisis. His Green Arrow arc was certainly decent. He is decidedly unabashed in his crush on 1970’s DC and the Justice League in particular, so what’s not to like?

Apparently his Justice League of America. That’s what not to like.

I was in the minority who enjoyed the first six issues, despite a slow build to climax. I gritted my teeth a little more through the next four installments, intertwined with Geoff Johns’ Justice Society as “The Lightning Saga”. By the time I finished muddling through the standalone issue #11 and it’s horribly confusing geography (did anyone else have a hard time picturing exactly where Vixen and Red Arrow were buried? More specifically, how exactly was the semi-submerged building situated in the water?), I wanted the next issue to come out the next day, the quicker to get it over with.

Brad Meltzer writes fiction for a living (albeit in a different form). Why does he seem to struggle with the comic format, when neophyte comic writers from other forms (e.g. television and movies) don’t seem to have the same early rough patches?

Primarily, it doesn’t look like Meltzer’s ever going to get used to working with an artist or putting anything in his script to express his thoughts non-verbally. He gives Ed Benes precious little to draw. Even when he does go for a visual revelation, he can’t resist adding at least one word (see the opening graphic for only the latest example).

Another flaw common in just about every issue of JLA and Identity Crisis: He tends to jam… random things into stories, disregarding the idea that his audience might not be 100% dialed into the DC lore burned into his own brain. We don’t even know whether this trivia is actual DC history or not, like the revelation that 31st century Legionnaire Wildfire actually resides in 21st century hero Red Tornado’s body, or this sequence from this week’s JLA. Is this a real story that we should all have remembered going into this page?

I certainly don’t want to savage Brad Meltzer’s run. Again, I enjoyed the Red Tornado story (gratuitous cannabalistic maiming aside), the JLA/JSA/LSH crossover had some nice cliffhangers and a minimum of Things Actually Happening, and I was surprised at how touching this small panel could be in his finale.

I just wish there wasn’t so much yakkity-yak and dull statuary in between all of that.

Originally from my other blog…

Weeks ago, during a “basking in the afterglow of being overserved but still making it home” moment, I went prowling around the PornoNet to find an image of Captain America playing a snare drum (not a Maker’s Mark soaked fantasy either, I know one exists), only to find this…

^{Marvel Comics’ Pizzazz Magazine, February 1978}

Recollecting the chain of events now, I’m still a little overwhelmed by this picture.

I’ve read about sixty billion comics ^[1].

If NASA had put as many hours in research as I did watching the first three Star Wars films, then we’d probably be refining oil on Mars by now and not blowing up a spacecraft every 20 years.

I vividly recall the slight trembling in my pre-teen babymaker-cannon upon noticing a Linda Ronstadt poster on my 20-something cousin’s bedroom wall.

So… how on EARTH did this particular magazine slip by me? I bought several issues of Pizzazz, because Marvel Architect Stan Lee was my master at this point–I still assumed he wrote every Marvel Comic, just under 12 pen names.

I’d be willing to get my ass sued off at this point. Which of my Photoshop-literate friends are willing to turn this masterpiece into a Fumble CD cover? (Here’s the catch–you have to keep the “Scintillatin’ Dr. J Poster Calendar” part.)



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[1]And I purchased about half that–if you’re reading this, Dave Sincere or Random Seven-Eleven Manager… HA!