Jimmy Olsen’s Blues

Ironically, this punk is spared having to actually hear Nighthawk screaming, “Why do you scumbags always turn and run from Batman and not from me? Why, dammit?! WHY?!”

Ready your kitchen table, for Bahlactus is coming for your stuffing.

Supreme Power #4, by J. Michael Straczynski, Gary Frank and Jon Sibal (Marvel Comics 2003)

There are those who don’t think highly of Sal Buscema’s pencils or Klaus Janson’s inks. I’m not one of them, especially when directed by Chris Claremont and Len Wein to illustrate this:

^{EDIT: Now with 2 different pictures!}

Bahlactus is swingin’ a much better ball and chain than you.

From Defenders #19, by the aforementioned Claremont, Wein, Buscema, and Janson. And by the way, thank you to Chris Claremont, who taught me what “aforementioned” means. Even if that might be a word he just made up.

Mindless thugs working for an invisible drug operation burn just like everyone else, apparently. But Oliver Queen didn’t come for the barbeque–he came for the punch!











Bahlactus didn’t come for the cooking either–he eats whole worlds raw.

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Green Arrow: Year One #6, by Andy Diggle and Jock (DC Comics 2007)

During a single three-issue run of Avengers, Jim Shooter cut right to the chase and made Count Nefaria an outright ass-kicker.


Wonder Man? Take a seat.

Captain America? Meet Wonder Man. And give me your best extraneous outburst.

Thor? You got something to say here? Nefaria didn’t think so.

Vision? You’re apparently a one-trick pony.

Oh, wait a minute…













Must be the cape…






The Vision will do anything to catch the Fearsome Eye of Bahlactus.

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Avengers #164-166, by Jim Shooter, John Byrne, and Pablo Marcos (Marvel Comics 1977)

In this corner, John Stone. He has the Devil’s Paw.

And in this corner, our champion, Jakita Wagner. She is fond of hitting people in the brains until they stop fighting.

DING!

It’s like Bahlactus always says, “Don’t bring a Devil’s Paw to a Bad-ass in Leather fight.”

Planetary 25, by Warren Ellis and John Cassaday (Wildstorm/DC 2006)

Batman doesn’t hate you, Weeper. He just needs quiet to get the work done.

Bahlactus has no time for tears, either.


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JLA (1st Series) #136, by E. Nelson Bridwell, Marty Pasko, Dick Dillin and Frank McLaughlin (DC Comics 1976). Reprinted in Crisis On Multiple Earths, Volume 4.

Who wants to see Batman stuck in the 31st Century, fighting Karate Kid in mid-air under zero gravity, drawn by George Perez?

Um… me? And you? And everyone else with a soul?



Bahlactus could take both these clowns with gravity tied behind his back.

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From Brave and the Bold (current series) #5, by Mark Waid, George Perez, and Bob Wiacek (DC Comics, 2007).

First off, if you’re one of the dozens who kept tabs on our ramblings, even after we began our experimental “silent, invisible, and untitled” phase, thanks for sticking around. More traditional posts to follow from here on out.

Second…

SUCKA PUNCH!





Like Luke Cage, Bahlactus is an equal opportunity destroyer.

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From New Avengers #27, by Brian Michael Bendis and Leinil Yu, Marvel Comics (2007).

Norman, you had it coming. After all, Mr. Cage did ask you nicely…


…and this is what he got for his trouble:




Need some unbreakable pants, Luke Cage? Let Bahlactus know. I bet his heralds get whatever they need.

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^{From The Pulse #5, by Brian Michael Bendis, Mark Bagley, and Scott Hanna (Marvel Comics, 2004)}

Ding!
The Vision wastes no time, does he? Before his fellow Avengers even get into their heroic cover poses, Vision’s already knocked one of Skrully’s speakers out of his helmet.

Joe Quesada, feel free to bust out a cover just like this one during next year’s Who Do You Trust? event.

And who do we trust? Bahlactus, shapeshifter-free since the Big Bang.

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^{From Avengers #96, by Roy Thomas, Neal Adams, Tom Palmer, and Alan Weiss (Marvel Comics, 1972)}