Jimmy Olsen’s Blues

Well, they can’t all be winners.

-Billy Bob Thornton, from his documentary Bad Santa.

10. Nomad’s baby.

This is strictly hand-me-down bling, borrowed from Lone Wolf and Cub and now passed on to Cable. Is there a more foolproof comics move than kidnapping yourself an infant sidekick from her crackhead mom? And what was that kid’s name, anyway? Mary Plot Device? Fake Suspense, Jr.? (It was actually Bucky. I’m not kidding.)

9. The Vision’s Cape.

This is one of the few capes seen on a Marvel hero, for good reason. Aesthetically, it makes little sense given his skill set. While a ghostlike cape seems cool, a cloak as hard as diamond… does not. (But Marvel sticks to its guns, though; the cape itself is treated like a big deal in one 70’s Avengers storyline featuring Attuma, who actually steals it like it’s some fabulous prize. For some reason, the Vision forcibly reclaims the stupid thing.)

8. Dr. Doom’s tunic/dress/skirt.

You’d have to rule your whole nation by fear to get away with this getup. “How can I be even less attractive to women than that bunsen-burning, prematurely gray, socially retarded Reed Richards? I’ve got it! Witness the Renaissance Faire drag of DOOM.”

7. The Son of Satan’s “Wicked” Pitchfork.

Or as everyone else calls them, tridents. Are you the Son of Satan or the Son of the Red Lobster? What, were horns too on-the-nose for your desired image, Daimon Hellstrom? (You might want to take a moment before answering. Because you have a pentagram on your chest.)

6. The Cosmic Cube.

I just don’t why everyone who possesses it insists on keeping it as a cube. Why work so hard to keep it in your grasp? Eventually you either drop it or it gets knocked out of your hand (usually by someone you should’ve turned into ranch dressing about 18 pages ago). It’ll do anything, so the first thing I’d do is make it a Cosmic T-Shirt that never needs cleaning. or better yet… The Cosmic Thong. “If you want the cube that bad, Captain Marvel…”

(cue disco ball and What is Love.)

(And keep your terrific “I’ve already got cosmic boxers… in my pants” quip to yourself.)

5. Speedy.

Even if the Seven Soldiers of Victory were storming a medieval castle, I doubt they’d need two archers shooting boxing glove arrows, so Roy Harper makes this list as the only accessory to have tried heroin.

4. The Eye of Agamotto.

The Ancient One didn’t have the heart to tell his apprentice that the Eye he cherishes was actually purchased in a Tibetan head shop, along with a Strawberry Alarm Clock album, some wicked herb, and a black light poster of Buddha. It only matters that the Sorcerer Supreme believes in it, right? Really, Doc, how do you screw up a kick-ass Cloak of Levitation with that swap-meet crappery? Even Baron Mordo had to fake-like it, for appearances.

3.Aquaman’s Harpoon Hand.

Of all things to replace his missing appendage, why use a fisherman’s tool? It would seem to be contrary to his mission statement. I understand that even if you’re in the Justice League, John Henry Irons or whoever can’t just whip out a custom waterproof robot hand. But was that the only loaner they had in the whole shop?

2. The Loin-Diaper of Fin Fang Foom.

No need to be modest, FFF; we can all tell you’re packing.

1. The Plentiful and Pointless Pouches of Cable.

Hey, Nathan Dayspring A’skanison Pufnstuf, call us when you’re going by “Batman” and all those pouches are on a utility belt. Because the Utility Belt, as science shows us, is undeniably great.

1. Mark Waid’s blog and his ongoing series of podcasts

Boom Studios E-i-C and esteemed comics writer Waid once said, “Reading 8,000 comics doesn’t qualify you to write even one.”; I’d extend his aphorism to include “writing a blog” as well. Unsurprisingly, Waid’s decades of experience in most phases of comic production (not to mention his years of sometimes caustic candor) serve him well in the execution and regular updates to his newish blog.  But, no matter the cv, being a huge comics fan doesn’t always guarantee an interesting or even readable ‘net presence. So far, though, Waid’s proven to be a pretty safe bet, his updates mixing tradecraft mini-lectures and plain ol’ Comics Appreciation, down to single panels or covers.

Even more recently, he’s jumped (or been pushed) into podcasting. 15 Minutes With Waid, it’s called, and that seems to be a pretty ideal length–while I enjoy reading Mark Waid wax articulate about most topics at length in print, I’ve got to think that 30 minutes or more of him talking might start to push the limits of my admiration. The brevity, combined with “co-host” Dafna Pleban’s well-timed but offhand interjections (which seem to steer Waid down avenues he hadn’t planned on) make this an easy series of ‘casts to catch up with on the fly. 15 Minutes isn’t as in-depth as Word Balloon (almost a different species), but it’s nearly as enjoyable for its loose feel and broad discussion. Very welcoming, and welcome.

2. Tabbloid

As a guy physically incapable of eating a meal without something to read (or in this case, something to write), I am totally in love with Tabbloid, a free on-demand PDF blog publishing service pointed out by (probably six-brained) Warren Ellis. Just sign up, tell ‘em which blog updates you want to slap into your weekly e-zine, and Tabbloid does the rest, emailing you a PDF with the week’s posts arranged for you to read (onscreen or my preferred format–in print). I’m not sure if you can change the default chronology, though, which would help because sometimes, updates are meant to be read from oldest to newest, not vice-versa. This is altogether minor, and (especially if you’re reading onscreen) easily overcome by starting at the “bottom”.

Secret Warriors#1 © Marvel 2009

3. Jonathan Hickman and Marvel’s Secret Warrriors

Not only is the series getting better with each issue, each issue gets better the more you re-read it (not to mention that I have been re-reading it–hardly ever do that anymore). And even Brian Bendis will tell you that the story as it’s being laid out is far more Hickman’s than his as pitched. Issue 1’s twist (so simple, but further proof that just because YOU could’ve thought of it doesn’t mean YOU could write comics) will drive you to read every single previous appearance of Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD to see if this has been the plan since the Steranko administration. Stefano Caselli’s artwork is fluid and there’s a murky quality to the coloring that doesn’t sound awesome, but sure looks it.

4. Twitter!

Since this blog last throbbed with activity, Twitter fucking exploded (and this post’s 488 links to different Twitters are proof). People who just aren’t interesting enough to hold you your attention with a blah-blah-blog (e.g., me) have no trouble spitting out 20-25 words two or three times a day, and believe me that you’re all luckier for it. Just about any creator you like is 140-ing it up, from Brian Bendis and Scott Pilgrim’s Bryan Lee O’Malley, to this husband-wife-child team, Warren Ellis and Action Age Comics wunderkind/Anita Blake arsonist Chris Sims. Which leads us to, strangely enough…

5. Chris Sims.

You open the dictionary (or the Necronomicon, or Lemmy’s autobiography) to the section on Inextinguishable Flame of Comics, Robocop, and Face-Kicking, it either just says “Chris Sims‘ Invincible Super Blog” or “Sims, Chris; see also: Action Age Comics“. His annotations on the Anita Blake comic adaptations are more meticulously and lovingly presented than those scribblings by people who actually like Anita Blake comic adaptations. And if you don’t plan to see Watchmen: The Movie, this Hard Man of the Carolinas feels your apathy and gives you the next best thing (well, the second next best thing; the first would probably be giving you the damn comics to read). All for free.

Charlie Huston's The Shotgun Rule

6. Charlie Huston

I realize I’m going about my discoverin’ business backwards, I do. I read Noted Crime Novelist Charlie Huston’s Moon Knight comics before ever reading any of his Noted Crime Novels, but hey, 20 years from now this will probably be a chicken/egg thing. The Shotgun Rule may have come out in 2007, but this tale of 4 boys growing up too fast in the summer of ‘83 is going to be under more than one of my friends’ Christmas trees in 2009. (Added bonus: He’s putting out a story one Twitter update at a time. It’s part horror, part sci-fi, and yes, an early installment name drops the Ultimate Nullifier.)

7. Stuff Geeks Love

Sadly, this scalpel-fine dose of tough love is on a much slower schedule now, but what’s been posted already is nearly enough.

8. Lollyphile

I’ll have the new bourbon flavored lollipops, please. No wait, I’m feeling a little frisky, so let’s grab some absinthe ones instead, and some maple-bacon pops, too! (They offer wasabi-ginger as well, but that’s not my cup of, uh, wasabi and ginger.) Not comic-related at all, but as Stuff Geeks Love teaches us, it can’t be all comics, all the time.

9. Jason Aaron’s “Ghost Rider”

Jason Aaron's Ghost Rider

I’ve been buying comics for at least 30 years, and I’d never once bought an issue of a Ghost Rider ongoing. (By way of comparison, I bought an issue of Marvel Chillers featuring Tigra once.) Happily, my ignorance of the title in its many volumes doesn’t detract from the experience of this Flaming Skeleton Biker badassery, primarily because Aaron is wholly unafraid to embrace the lunacy of the character or the situations a Ghost Rider would find himself in. (So: no War of Kings tie-in, probably.)

10. Diesel Sweeties

While it’s true that I’ve praised R. Stevens’ one-man-amazing-corps before, I don’t think I sufficiently expressed our fevered admiration for the actual strip itself, and might have given the impression that one awesome t-shirt trumped the daily work. Consistently hilarious, provocative and equally enjoyable for both sides of the robots vs. humans conflict. And just in time for Mother’s Day, you can purchase a sweet collection of strips selected by Mr. Stevens himself in cutting-edge paper form (he’ll even trick it out for you for a few bucks more).

If Batman Begins represented a step or several forward from the superhero movies that came before, so does The Dark Knight represent another leap. The Dark Knight retains all that I loved about its predecessor – note-perfect acting^[1], solid writing, gorgeous cinematography and art direction – and adds several new flavors to its casserole of excellence, most notably a deepening complexity and thoughtfulness. The Dark Knight isn’t a superhero action movie. It’s an ethical treatise with punching.

(Perhaps very mild spoilers to follow, but likely spoilers only to those who’ve never paid any attention whatsoever to Batman and his rogues gallery.)

Heath Ledger as The Joker

What does it mean to say someone is a “hero?” How far would you go to save the ones you love from danger? How about people you don’t even know? How far can you be pushed without losing yourself to madness? The Dark Knight asks these questions and turns them over and over, examining them from numerous points of view, presenting several ideas but never providing answers – The Dark Knight is an action movie that wants to engage your brain as much as, if not more than, your adrenal glands. Most of the major characters faces down at least one of these ethical quandaries (except for the force-of-nature Joker, who clearly gave himself over to madness long before this story starts) and each makes choices true to character. That a movie about a man dressed as a flying rodent and a psychotic clown dares ask these questions at all is astonishing; that The Dark Knight does so with such force, daring and reflection is almost beyond belief.

Director Christoper Nolan and his co-screenwriter/brother Jonathan Nolan get what makes these characters so fascinating and so iconic. They understand what those of us who read comics have understood for decades: that there are depths to be plumbed there, that the easy identification of Batman as silly spandex hero^[2] isn’t the true measure of the character. The Nolans understand the deep-seated near-schizophrenic split between Bruce Wayne and Batman, and they understand that while the Joker will always be Batman’s most notable enemy, his truest mirror is Two-Face.

While I still have trouble imagining any superhero movie ever receiving a Best Picture nomination, I’ve never seen one that deserves it more than The Dark Knight – this movie’s not so different thematically from 2006 Best Picture winner The Departed, which considered similar ethical questions. And those predictions that Heath Ledger will receive a posthumous Best Supporting Actor nomination could well likely prove to be spot on: Ledger really was that creepy, that riveting, that good as the Joker. Ledger’s Joker should wipe all memories of Jack Nicholson’s wacky clown from the cultural consciousness – his Joker now surely must be considered definitive. Ledger even manages to find the humor in this most decidedly unfunny clown. His gait, his voice, his manner all contribute to create one of the most engrossing and engaging movie villains in a long, long time. I never before considered myself a fan of Heath Ledger; I am now, and I wish I had more of his work to look forward to.

Most of the other actors have much more grounded, less showy parts to play (of course), but they do so with as much skill and grace as Ledger. Christian Bale one again proves to be an excellent Bruce Wayne; while these movies don’t play up Batman’s supposed role as “World’s Greatest Detective,” we certainly do get a sense that Bale’s Wayne/Batman (much like Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark in Iron Man) thinks about what he’s doing and the weight he’s chosen to carry on his shoulders. Gary Oldman’s James Gordon, one of the only honest cops in Gotham, gets far more screen time than he did in Batman Begins, and Oldman nails Gordon’s solid nobility in the face of chaos and madness. Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman are, well, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman; neither’s role is large, and more screen time for either would have been welcome. Maggie Gyllenhaal brings sass, charm and intelligence (three qualities which Katie Holmes entirely failed to bring to the same character in Batman Begins) to her Rachel Dawes, the only significant female character in the movie; more screen time for her also would have been a good thing. But The Dark Knight runs two-and-a-half-hours as is, and the movie devotes so much of its energies to dissecting the characters of its three leads that some of the minor characters had to stay pretty minor.

Strangely, Batman himself is almost a supporting character in The Dark Knight – perhaps one reason why the word “Batman” isn’t in the title. There’s even some ambiguity as to whom, exactly, the title of “dark knight” could be referring – Batman or the film’s true protagonist, Gotham District Attorney Harvey Dent. (Yes, Batman is the “dark knight” as countered by Dent’s “white knight,” but Dent ultimately goes to some pretty dark places.) The Dark Knight is Dent’s story, the telling of his evolution from moral crusader in pursuit of justice to agent of chaos in pursuit of fairness, most certainly not the same thing. Eckhart’s Harvey Dent exudes a fire and passion for his crusade, and the distorted reflection in the mirror he holds up to Batman provides the most gripping character exploration ever seen in a summer blockbuster superhero movie^[3].

The Dark Knight is dark and disturbing and one of the tensest movies I’ve seen in a long while; it’s also fantastically smart and daring and complex, and it ultimately suggests a fundamental belief in human nature’s capacity for goodness. That dichotomy, as much as anything else in Christoper Nolan’s masterpiece, represents the core appeal of Batman himself, and that appeal is why these characters endure. Nolan has just assured that his vision of them will endure a lot longer.  Grade:  A.

[1] The major exception to that “note-perfect” acting was from the mannequin-like Katie Holmes; her replacement by actual actress Maggie Gyllenhaal was a significant upgrade.

[2] Please note that I have plenty of love for silly spandex heroes, too, but that interpretation has long since proven not to work out so well in movie form (ref. Batman and Robin, 1997).

[3] I don’t mean to damn with faint praise; I do realize that “gripping character exploration” isn’t normally a hallmark of big-budget summer action flicks.

I was pretty obnoxious in my pronouncement earlier this year that I was buying summer blockbusters Final Crisis and Secret Invasion, and that was it. No tie-ins, no reprint “catch-up” books, nothing extra.

That was stupid. I’m still buying at least 2 or 3 comics a week, but now I almost feel like I need to sneak in and out of my LCS in a disguise, immediately put the comics in a different bag, go home and hide them under the bed, so I can read them at 2 a.m. in the bathroom.

Here’s what I read at 2 this morning:

Captain America #40. How is that Ed Brubaker is still keeping his story on a slow burn, yet each month still leaves me satisfied and fufilled? It could be all the punching and defenestrating going on between Captain America 2.0 and Captain America 1.5 this issue and last. And… girl-fighting! And girl-stabbing!

MIghty Avengers #16. I’ve never been a supporter of holding Marvel to the statistical filler that litters their Handbooks. (”You showed the Hulk straining and gritting his teeth while lifting that school bus! It clearly states in the Handbook that the Hulk can lift 100 tons, about ten school buses! I demand a No-Prize!”) But, a little consistency among different comics, when the same writer’s involved, would be appreciated. This issue, we find out the hows, whys, and whens of the Skrullswap that started it all: Elektra. And while I enjoyed her appearance and salute her death-dealing valor, the length of time she holds her own against four of the Super Skrulls currently laying waste to a dozen Young Avengers, New Avengers and Mighty Avengers is a little hard to swallow. And why is next issue touted as “The Truth About Hank Pym”? Wasn’t that last issue?

Final Crisis: Rogues’ Revenge #1. I get annoyed when I ask someone their opinion on a comic or a CD or a movie and they respond, “If you like their other stuff, you’ll like this. If you don’t, then you won’t.” Ugh.

That’s why it pains me to write this: if you enjoyed Johns’ and Kolins’ take on the Flashes and their Rogues (I did), you’ll no doubt enjoy this. However, if you’re not digging Final Crisis so far, you might still enjoy Rogues’ Revenge despite its tie-in status, as it only brushes on that series’ Libra and his plot as it affects the Rogues.

Hey Kettle; Pot here. Did you know you’re black?

Incredible Hercules #119. Jeph Loeb can keep his Hulk of Many Colors right where he is, if it means we get to keep this sleeper title. It’d be really easy to fill in the plot blanks of a Secret Invasion crossover with a one-note Hercules and his Gift, but Greg Pak and Fred Van Lente are obviously not settling for that. Each issue’s opening recap page is itself worth three bucks, and the full story has been consistently taut and surprisingly inventive. And structurally, they leave the door open to new readers each issue, with more self-contained plot points and skillful retellings even outside the aforementioned recap pages.

If you’re not reading this book, but are slogging through the rest of Secret Invasion, I suspect you just don’t like good times.

(Y’know when someone prefaces their monologue with, “I don’t want to be a dick, but…”? That usually always means, “I’m about to be a dick”.)

Too much Anti-Life Equation, that’s the only explanation I can come up with for this to have made it into the published version of this week’s Justice Society #17.

One week only! Composers Amazing Man and Gog will perform their entire repertoire, called by some “the strongest”. Miss it at your own risk!

I don’t want to be a dick, but did he mean rapport?

In better Geoff Johns news, the rest of JSA was typically solid, even though he’s really just moving the story from predictable ground to Really Predictable Ground. Awakened demigod Gog isn’t happy about anything bad in the world and he apparently has the power to fix it all, even the bad things that happened to many of the JSA. So what are the odds that nothing is as good as it appears, and that the JSA’s gonna have a mini civil-war very soon?

In even better Geoff Johns news, Action Comics was jaw-droppingly good and my favorite book this week. Though he’s been taking care of Super-business for quite a while now, he’s really beginning to hit his stride in Action and not just saving his best blend of characterization and action for Green Lantern. In the course of finding out more about Braniac’s latest campaign, Supes (and the reader) gets some insight into his cousin (she actually lived through a Braniac assault as a “normal” Kryptonian and still carries scars. And we witness her teary eyed heat vision–powerful stuff.^[1]), his adopted father (he kept souvenirs!), and himself (he doesn’t really know what it’s like to miss home). For a change, he gets all of this while actually doing something instead of talking to everyone about it.

I bought non-Johns comics this week too, like Final Crisis:Requiem. Some of the negatives being thrown around elsewhere are valid (unnecessary to Final Crisis proper, a little long in the violence department), but overall, I thought it was a competently written and illustrated comic that did what it said it would: show a little more detailed version of J’onn J’onzz heroic last stand, remember his life and show what his last wishes were. The flipside, though: Green Arrow’s “He was my favorite Martian” line makes it almost impossible to defend this book.

_____________________________________

[1]If there is a god, a god who like pretty comics, we’ll see a Gary Frank Supergirl book again one day.

Astonishing X-Men #25 might be the twenty-fifth issue of this series (twenty-sixth if you could the Giant-Size issue), but for all practical purposes, it might as well be the first. This issue serves as a fresh introduction to largely the same cast we’ve been reading about previously — though the issue contains almost no action whatsoever, it manages to move along quickly and provide plenty of necessary character and plot information in an entertaining — frequently hilarious — way.

One advance reviewer claimed that the characters’ voices don’t sound the way they did during Whedon’s issues. And that’s true enough, I suppose, though of course it’s to be expected with the change in writers – Whedon and Ellis have very different writerly voices. They don’t sound like Whedon’s writing them. They sound like Ellis is writing them. The important thing, though, is that their underlying personalities and motivations are fundamentally the same. Anyone who’s been reading the previous issues of this series won’t feel like they’ve been dropped into an entirely new batch of characters.

What has changed is the title’s overall feel and direction. Unsurprisingly, given Ellis’ involvement and his noted disdain for superheroes, the book feels a little less superhero-y and a little more science hero-y and more than a little more detective-y. But he’s also not forsaking the superhero motifs, either, and in fact plays them up and riffs on them several times, especially where costumes and code names are concerned.

Simone Bianchi’s artwork, while beautifully rendered, is too murky and difficult to read. Bianchi seems as to come at page layout strictly from a design point of view and not so much from a storytelling one. I’d rather he stuck to covers and design work (though if I were an artist on one of the other X-books now forced to draw these overly intricate costume designs, I’d be cursing Bianchi’s name at the drawing board). While the Whedon-to-Warren transition wasn’t especially jarring, going from John Cassady’s clean lines to Bianchi’s heavily textured work truly makes this issue feel like the launch of an entirely new series rather than a continuation of the previous one.

So far, I’m most enjoying Ellis’ take on Hisako, the young X-Man who, in shades of early-80’s Kitty Pryde-Sprite-Ariel-Shadowcat, doesn’t like her code name (”Armor”) [1]. Hisako’s very much an updated version of Kitty, though she’s a little savvier and more confident of her place in the X-world at this point than Kitty was early on – I’d imagine having already survived her first offworld adventure as an X-Man would give her a substantial confidence boost. She has no problem standing up to her older teammates, and interestingly enough, seems to have a relationship with Emma Frost which is exactly 180 degrees from the one Emma and Kitty had.

(Also: it’s nice to have Storm back in an X-book, where she belongs.)

If you enjoyed Whedon’s run on this book, you’ll still find plenty here to enjoy, even if the flavor is a bit different. If you’ve enjoyed pretty much any of Ellis’ mainstream superhero work, you’ll find plenty of Ellisian bits here to make you happy.

GRADE: A-

[1] Ellis seems to be setting up something to do with names and naming in this issue and I’m curious to see where’s going with it; it’s not the kind of thing he tends to do by accident.

It’s fairly obvious from my reviews that I’m the least studious and analytical^[1] of the Thunderdog stable of writers (all three of us), but I am trying to get a little better at the critical review, especially when discussing DC and Marvel’s duelling Big Thingies.

(See? I’m getting better already.)

Despite Marvel’s efforts to keep it low-key by only releasing 244 books last week, we did notice that Secret Invasion snuck up on the halfway mark (with the actual mini-series midpoint #4 out July 9th), and felt Marvel could maybe use a hand in spreading the word on the internet. Especially after we couldn’t shut up about the competition’s Final Crisis last Thursday.

(By the way: here’s the part where we warn, “So yeah, there might be a spoiler or two below. Proceed with caution, Person Who’s Read A Little Far Into A Secret Invasion Review Expecting To See Nothing About Secret Invasion“.)

This spring arrived as the Invasion began losing some layers of its Secret, and Marvel posed the one question haunting the Marvel Universe: Who Do You Trust? We’re four months in now, and I’d say the series and its tie-ins are raising still more questions, and at a much faster rate than they’re answering them. I’m not ready to let the ever-filling pool of mysteries drive me to complain…yet. Given his track record, there’s every reason to believe SI architect Brian Michael Bendis will give us not just resolutions, but satisfying ones as well.

I’d love to be able to post concise reviews for New Avengers #42 and Mighty Avengers #15. I wish I could close here by assuring you that both comics are informative without being too heavy on the exposition and add much to the SI tale without being overly indispensable. I’d be happy to end the review with simple praise for the lovely art provided by Jim Cheung and John Romita, Jr., because it is indeed lovely. But I can’t sign off yet, because of the whole “boatload of new questions” thing.

Both Mighty and New Avengers continue revisiting previously established events (though, strangely, the previous issues of each title ended on “To Be Continued” present-day moments, neither of which is picked up this month) and shed more light on the infiltration before the actual Secret Invasion, mostly from the Skrulls point of view. This month, we get to learn an awful lot about the when and how Hank Pym and Jessica Drew got “Skrullswapped”. And with these new tidbits, confirmations and revelations, we also get a fresh batch of questions, sometimes with a side order of slight confusion. Here’s the five biggest on the plate for me tonight:

1. In Secret Invasion #3, why is the SHIELD Helicarrier now adrift in the Bermuda Triangle?

Yeah, hopefully this will get answered in Secret Invasion #4 or elsewhere^[2], but… huh? I’m no physicist, and I’m not a huge fan of forcing comics to adhere to The Book-Learned Science, but I doubt the Helicarrier’s got much gliding potential. Certainly not enough to carry it from a couple miles above NYC (where it began its powerless descent in SI #1) to the central Atlantic Ocean.

2. How and when do all these events and reveals and Skrullswaps fit together?

I hope Bendis’ reach isn’t exceeding his grasp the further we go, as many of these overlapping plot points were in fact his doing. Following these two newest updates to whatever passes for timeline and continuity through last week, my baby headache has now reached toddler stage trying to reconcile these, for instance:^[3]

Spider-Woman (since revealed as a Skrull) delivering dead Skrullektra to Tony Stark (after the Ultron arc in Mighty Avengers

Tony showing said corpse to his Illuminati (including, prominently, Reed Richards) , then discovering that Black Bolt is actually a Skrull in disguise. Oh, and then they’re attacked by a bunch of Super Skrulls.

The opening pages of Secret Invasion #1, where Reed Richards (obviously the real deal given that book’s ending) acts like this is the first time he’s seen Skrullektra or heard of any sort of Skrull swapping, much less that Skrulls are now undetectable by current methods.

Is Bendis simply trying to retcon/erase a book (Illuminati #5) he just did eight months ago? Or does Reed have short-term memory issues these days?

3. Speaking of Black Bolt… What the hell happened to the humans/Inhumans that were switched out?

My first instinct was that the Skrulls are at war with Earth, and might have some sort of Intergalactic Geneva Convention to adhere to, but there seems to have been a little too much collateral damage involving civilians, and a little too much zeal on the part of the invaders to kill those who oppose them. So should we be flying the flags at half-mast for Electra, Jarvis, Dum Dum Dugan, Jessica Drew, Hank Pym and Black Bolt? For that matter, within 5 seconds of the end of Illuminati #5, why wasn’t any remaining member of the Illuminati (and I realize they stated that the trust issues precluded any of them from working together anymore) on Def Con 4 and at least trying to find out if Black Bolt was alive somewhere?

4. Like DC, why does Marvel even bother with age ratings on their comics?

This is directly related to last week’s books: Both featured a slightly off-putting display of the “pretty much naked” ladies, with Mighty Avengers (and John Romita, Jr.) going a bit further, adding a suggestive serving of ice cream to an already crowded post-coital bed of Hank Pym and a lady who wasn’t his wife. Just like Allen, I’m no prude and certainly wasn’t offended or necessarily even jarred from the tale at hand. But, these comics were indeed both rated “A” (which I’m assuming doesn’t mean “Allen’s gonna shake his head at this one”), so Marvel either needs to pay more attention or admit they don’t pay any and shut off the ratings altogether.

5. Can we really translate the Skrulls’ dialogue?

Nope, doesn’t look like it. So far, it’s been consistent inside single issues, but try and compare, say, Secret Invasion #3 to these current Mighty Avengers and New Avengers (MA and NA have long sections that are helpfully subtitled); they’re not sharing the same “letters” at all. When did Marvel start underestimating our geeky need to learn a new fictional language? If Marvel’s going to assume all their readers are grown ups (see previous question), then maybe expect us to spot this kind of thing pretty easily and give your letterers a little help. It’s only 26 characters, fellas.

________________
[1]I’m also the least discriminating–I bought three issues of Salvation Run before deciding it was actually neither awesome nor anything approaching it.

[2]And maybe it already has been; Again, we don’t buy every comic (read: most comics) out there, so feel free to let us know if any of our current queries have been addressed. Quoth the D: “That’s fucking teamwork.”

[3]This post is already way too long, so I’m shelving my “Hank Pym in Civil War” related questions ’til I dig out the last two issues of that miniseries.

Tim: Unlike any other previous miniseries or even regular story arc, I’ve decided to read the entire series as a whole each time a new issue comes out. Sure, my comic-buying process required me to immediately read the latest installment over Chinese on New Comics Day, but I did read both issues together last night, the better to feel the rhythm of the work. I think I got more out of Final Crisis this way, and will continue until further notice.

First thing I noticed under the new method? The art, while solid in #1, was stunning in #2.

Allen: As much as I enjoyed this issue, I’m still wondering where, exactly, Morrison’s going with this story. We’re two issues into a seven-issue series with the word “crisis” in the title, implying some sort of multiversal shakeup, and the multiverse is, so far, just a bit part of one of the storylines weaving through the series. I have every faith that Morrison has something planned, but these first two issues have really all been setup. And I have a feeling that #3 will also be setup for The Big Stuff which will start going down in #4.

T: I don’t know… I’d say “RUN!” was a pretty charged way to end part two and send us hurtling into part three. Yeah, there’s some continuing setup, but the mood that goes along with that (creepy and dire) is right on for me. And the pace is a little quicker in #2, as it should have been if he’s giving us some kind of “full on, no bull&@%& twilight of the gods” in #3. The question: is there a story being told in Final Crisis so far, or is it just A Repository of Hints? I side with “story”, though the extended caveman bit in #1 has to be some kind of treasure chest of clues, right? That’s the only explanation I see for how long that dragged out. And the 4th-wall-breaking opening page to FC #2 is probably more informative than my lazy butt’s willing to discover.

A: This seems like it would be a good time to break in tell our readers to go check out Douglas Wolk’s Final Crisis Annotations — he had the first batch of annotations for #2 up by yesterday afternoon, and he has some really good stuff on there I certainly didn’t catch.

T: Good stuff I didn’t catch? For me, that was Sonny Sumo. Had no idea he was a Kirby 4th World creation. Didn’t care that I didn’t know and I enjoyed his appearance anyway (the half-finished heart transplant that skeeved us out a little notwithstanding).

A: I can’t believe I didn’t catch the reference to Flash #163 on the first page. And I know you didn’t, either, based on what you said above.

T: Totally missed that. And it does bolster your point about the added benefit to looking for that kind of Easter egg. I just have a harder time reading anything from that point of view at the same time I’m trying to absorb surface-level action-n-talkin’. If I do analyze a comic like FC in more depth, I’m usually more jazzed when I see something that charges the atmosphere or emphasizes What’s Going On (the Human Flame’s getting video of Libra and of J’onn’s execution on a “DAMRUNG” phone, for example) than I am at some quarter-inch billboard in the background of page 2, panel 4 telling you What’s Going to Happen In the End.

Which makes me ask: should the reader really have to embark on some panel-by-panel dissection of Final Crisis? Should they even want to? Is there that much caché in guessing the Shocker before it happens in print? In knowing exactly who all these characters are? These are Grant Morrison comics, not M. Night Shyamalan movies.

A: I don’t think they have to, but I think it’s rewarding that they can. The fact that Morrison has clearly put a lot of thought into what’s going on and tried to load it down with symbolism and foreshadowing adds to that feeling that this story is something Epic and Important. It’s part of what makes reading Watchmen so rewarding (not that I’m saying this series is on the level of Watchmen, mind you) — I’ve read Watchmen seven times and I’m still catching bits I had never noticed before. It’s nice to see the creators taking their work so seriously.

Also, you certainly nailed the “mood” part. Creepy and dire it is — there’s definitely a feeling that we’re building up to something Big and Unspeakably Evil. I still have the feeling that the “multiversal upheaval” is going to require a rebuilding of the universe(s) after Evil destroys all of the good, including killing all or most of the DCU’s heroes. (Which could mean that the characters who implicitly died in the issues, and J’onn J’onzz in the last, could be Actually Really Dead yet still be back good as new when this series is done.)

But if that hypothesis is even in the right ballpark — that this series will result in some kind of redesigned or rebuilt DCU, whatever form that takes — well, it certainly seems like none of the rest of the DCU books are playing along right now, doesn’t it? It doesn’t feel like the books in the rest of the line are building toward any sort of apocalyptic (or Apokoliptic?) death-and-rebirth. Seems like the creators many of the books have long-term plans which don’t involve the Cosmic Reset Button. And if Morrison is going to be rebooting the DCU (in whatever form that takes), shouldn’t the rest of the line be playing along? (Though with what we’ve seen of DC editorial over the last few months, it’s likely not safe to assume that there would be any interoffice editorial communication.)

T: Is Morrison’s Batman R.I.P. even one of the threads to be woven into FC? Doesn’t read like it.

A: I agree — it’s just about the only book which we’ve been told is pretty directly Final Crisis-related… but so far, I’m having trouble seeing how. Given the high-concept pitches of both series, I don’t know how they’re going to be part of the same story, though given that Morrison’s writing both, I’m sure he’s up to something.

It’s inevitable that we stack up what’s gone on here so far against Marvel’s own summer megalith, Secret Invasion (a series we’ve talked about surprisingly little on this site so far). Compare and contrast the Final Crisis arc thus far to Secret Invasion’s: SI might have jumped right into the Big Action more quickly, but Big Action happened in #1 which hasn’t been even referenced again in the main series — for instance, opening the Negative Zone inside the Baxter Building. I don’t think that’s going to be an issue with Final Crisis. I think we’ll get some serious payoff for what’s been set up already. If FC is Batman Begins — more thoughful, leisurely-paced — then SI is Transformers, bigger and louder and punchier. Both have their place, but I think FC will wind up feeling more cohesive and, ultimately, satisfying.

T: Except Michael Bay didn’t make you go watch Iron Man to see how we got from Point A to Point B in Transformers. (Or more accurately, Transformers didn’t have an intermission during which you really should go to the lobby to watch these Mighty Transformers and New Transformers DVD’s.) I think both Big Events will satisfy in different ways, as you say.

A: A digression: at what point, exactly, did the comics industry decide to give up the pretense that we were expecting kids to be reading comics? Not that this topic is specific to FC #2 (and not that it’s the first time I’ve talked about it), but it occurred to me while reading it — the original Crisis on Infinite Earths, which was to DC 1985 what Final Crisis is to DC 2008, didn’t have a freshly-ripped-from-its-owner’s-chest heart in a bar glass. It also certainly didn’t feature the word “asshole” — the strongest cursing you got in mainstream comics back then was an occasional “hell” or “damn,” and Marvel wouldn’t even use those. It’s not that I have a problem with either element on their own — I mean, c’mon, Preacher is one of my favorite comics ever. But Preacher is clearly marked NOT FOR KIDS. Final Crisis is DC’s flagship event for the summer, kids are going to be reading it, and I think maybe a little more editorial control and forethought could’ve gone into those elements of the story.

T: “Asshole,” while character- appropriate, really took me out of the scene. There was an awful lot of @!$&#$ being used, so why let that one blue word go? It sucked all the coolness out of “…give you brain damage with a toilet seat!”

A: My thought exactly — it would’ve taken nothing from the story to throw a “@!$&#$” in there instead.

T: So do you want to talk about some of the happenings this issue? To me, that Libra “co-plot” (not really a subplot, not quite the main thrust) needs to do something different or just more in #3. It hasn’t strayed too far from Underworld Unleashed at this point.

A: Yup, I think that’s a plotline that’s going to blossom next issue, likely with the return (somehow, some way) of Darkseid. (Funny to think of it as a “return” when he hasn’t been “gone” very long at all.)

T: What are the odds that Libra’s “boss” isn’t Darkseid? Long, I’m sure, but hear me out: If Libra’s all about the balance, and Darkseid represents the idea that Evil Won, wouldn’t someone like Libra be a counter to that? Maybe’s he’s giving the bad guys what they want in exchange for something that’s gonna bring the Goodness back.

A: Hmm, not sure I buy that theory, but if it turns out to be true, I’ll certainly give you all due credit! I’m pretty sure “the boss” is indeed Darkseid — in fact, I think Morrison or Johns might have admitted as much in an interview with Newsarama around the time of DC Universe #0. Might have to go look that up. I think the theory was that the balance Libra was correcting was the fact that good guys always come out on top in the current DCU — it was time for the bad guys to win a few rounds. But I suppose we’ll see! (Let’s not even get into the “Libra is Barry Allen” theory just yet…)

T: Oh, I realize Darkseid’s the Big Bad here — I’m just wondering if we’re just assuming Libra’s working for him. Again, the odds are long that he’s not. (And to the Barry Allen as Libra supporters: Morrison can twist with the best of ‘em, but he’s more conventional than he gets credit for. I wouldn’t even bet my copy of Zero Hour #0 on this happening.)

Bludhaven as a Apokolips Firepit franchise — this was truly chilling, and succeeds mightily in a crucial way for something Final and Crisis: it suspends that belief that the good guys will always find a way to save the DCU. Even if you only allow a .0001% chance of it happening, you do allow it. Bravo, with emphasis on the “brrrrr”.

A: And I think what Morrison’s very strongly getting it is that this time, they’re not going to find a way to save the DCU — at least not until after the fact.

T: Overall? I say the last page of FC #2 is a blatant shout from Glorious Grant that we’re going to be moving a lot more quickly from here on out. And while I admit there are rewards available by reading the book with one eye on a magnifying glass and the other on Wikipedia, there’s also a thrilling ride to be had by letting the story itself do the driving and not worry so much about seeing every mile marker and street sign on the way to the final destination.

Novelists don’t always make a graceful transition to the comic/graphic novel form, but veteran crime author Victor Gischler makes the jump look easy, delivering this solid one-shot and whetting our appetites for his upcoming Punisher MAX arc. Avoiding rookie struggles for the most part, he seems natural at giving the artist something to draw, and displays a firm grasp of the tight space he’s got for his plot.

It’s surprising just how tidy Little Black Book is. Gischler doesn’t stray into overambition, steering clear of the “Analyzing Frank” moments better suited for longer stories and not wasting time engineering some big plot twist or double-cross that he’d run out of space trying to unleash. By simply playing to the writer’s strengths, there’s just enough going on to introduce the players, set up Frank’s plan, establish the villainy of the villain and give the audience several money shots of the Punisher punishing without feeling rushed and without momentum-sucking exposition.

Jefte Palo’s art meshes well with the economic script–plenty of shadows and sexy, with mood to spare. I’m not sure if he’s slated to handle the art for Gischler’s upcoming turn with the main title, but he does seem suited and Marvel could do worse than Palo in there.

Welcome to funnybooks, Mr. Gischler. Any writer getting a comic published who isn’t named Bendis, Johns, or Brubaker will get our attention, but it takes a decent story to keep our attention, and Little Black Book looks to be a sign of quality reading ahead.